John Harman's DJ Service - Music/Audio/Video - 559.684.1102

La Piazza, Tulare

The I-Pod Wedding

Everything is perfect. You've spent hours, days, weeks planning your wedding. Now you walk down the aisle to be married to the man you love so much.The background music has been playing perfectly. What a great idea you got from that wedding magazine: buy an MP3 player, download the music you want and save a bunch of money on the DJ...Your mind rachets back to the moment at hand, you think you heard your song start... It did, but your fiance's friend, Billy, wasn't sure it was the beginning so he just hit the "Back" button... A little skip, it was hardly noticed.Now you walk down the aisle smiling, your eyes riveted on the minister, and the man you love. You step up to take your place next to the one who loves you and wait for the music to fade. After 15 seconds, the music is still playing. It's OK, it'll be all right. Then 15 turns to 30, the 30 seconds to a full minute. What's Billy doing anyway? The music continues as your husband-to-be looks over toward the sound system.Suddenly, you can't believe your eyes: in front of all your guests, standing there, facing you but with his eyes directed toward the sound system in back, your man raises his hand and makes the universal "cut" sign across his throat! Worse yet, the music plays on! A small entourage of helpful sound neophytes gather around the sound system. Your groom steps down and walks back up the aisle. He shows the gathering throng how to work the player one more time and which knob is for the volume. He starts back toward you, scowling, shaking his head back and forth, rolling his eyes at you. Doesn't he see all of your guests watching him roll his eyes and shake his head "No"...

At the reception, no one welcomes the guests to the hall: half the guests aren't sure which ballroom is yours, so they hang out by the restrooms and drinking fountains, waiting for someone who knows what's going on. You arrive and a friend runs out to tell you most of the guests are outside the room you rented. You go in and direct everybody to the right room. So much for the surprise of the grand entrance! Once everyone is seated, your friend, the one you chose for an announcer, asks you for a microphone. "What microphone?" you ask. While you rented the sound system to play the MP3 music, the rental company didn't suggest a microphone. Oh well, my announcer can yell really loud when we come in... As your bridal party enters the guests don't pay attention because they can't hear the announcements. You come in and are largely ignored. You dejectedly walk to the head table with your groom. "Does anybody really care about this but me?" you think. Ushering everybody into the room, lining up the bridal party and dealing with the lack of a microphone all by yourself puts you behind schedule and the food comes out late. Some has dried out from being in the warmers too long, and some isn't as cold as you hoped it would be. What will my guests think of this meal? The best man and maid of honor give great toasts and thankfully you and your husband are standing close by, since you and about 5 other people are the only ones that heard. Nobody really knows when you cut the cake since it doesn't get announced. "Did anybody see that besides the photographer?"

Ah yes, the photographer. They've been a big help, but are starting to get on your nerves. It seems every time you turn around they're asking you what you want to do next. "Heck, I don't know. I don't have my wedding planning book with me!" you think. During your first dance you notice some people leave, and then a guy with long hair that you don't recognize brings his wife out on the dance floor and starts dancing with her during your song. He's drunk and thinks the dance floor just opened up. Nobody said anything. Now's he's in the background of half my first dance pictures... You decide to skip the bridal party dance because the groomsmen can't be found now, and when you do the money dance it's just you and your husband on the dance floor. He's mortified when you suggest asking people to come up and dance with you since nobody seems motivated. You remind him that you need this money to pay for the MP3 player, since it went on your credit card. Ultimately, you net 5 bucks from 6 dancers...You start the dance music and your guests head for the doors. You run to coax them to stay and dance. A few guests ask for some songs by name, but you don't have them. They're asking for stuff I never heard of and how can I download what I don't know! You downloaded just the songs you and your groom wanted, that's it! The reception ends an hour early with you dancing with 5 girlfriends and no sight of your husband. As everyone prepares to leave you go outside and find him and three groomsmen doing the frog stroke in the convention center fountain still wearing his tuxedo. What's my cleaning bill going to be like?

You had it all: the perfect flowers, the perfect cake, the perfect centerpieces, the perfect dress... nobody noticed or cared. But I saved a few bucks by using an MP3 player! How sad to have everything so perfect and have so few people notice!

It's human nature: somebody has to point out the obvious: the flowers, the cake, the dress, the food. That "somebody" is a professional DJ and master of ceremonies.An electronic device is no match for an entertainer. Any magazine article, wedding coordinator or friend who equates an MP3 player to a DJ does a tremendous disservice to you, the bride. It reveals their lack of knowedge about the entire subject of music and entertainment. The reality is no matter how many songs you download or how much somebody "plays" with the system you can't match what a DJ can do.One aspect alone, the music, could overwhelm even the most astute personal music collector. If you download music from a pay-for-music site, you'd spend 5 times as much on music to match a cheap DJ's library than you'd spend on the DJ himself! Imagine how much you'd spend at 79 cents a song matching a 20,000 song library!

Of course you can get music for free online if you don't mind a virus or two. You might have to re-format you hard drive, you might lose a bunch of school or work data, but you could take a chance. Maybe you're already downloading music illegally off the internet and consider yourself safe from malvalent viruses. You've learned to tolerate broken files, shortened songs and files with the wrong title. Besides, you don't need all those songs. Just sit down with the list of 20,000 tunes you find on 40 lists online and try to figure which ones you'll need that day. Then ask yourself: Is this really how I want to spend my time?

You'll also have to prepare for using the sound system. If you aren't familiar with a system, you'll have to learn how to hook it up. Wherever you rent you'll need to reserve the specific system you learn to hook up because you might not get the same one on which you practiced. And of course, make sure you have the rental place's phone number because every rental system never works "quite right" the first time you hook it up. You'll need them to be open at the time of your event in case you need to make support phone calls.

Then comes the problem of personnel: you'll need to train a friend to operate equipment you barely know how to use yourself.

With a DJ you eliminate all concern. You hire him, he sets up the system, sound checks it and troubleshoots it all on his own. You never even have to think about it! At the event, he operates it, hits all the cues the way you want them, stops the music at the right spots.

It all goes smooth. You concentrate on each other!You arrive at the reception; the guests all know where to go. The DJ welcomed them and made them feel comfortable. The DJ lines up the bridal party for you, gets straggling guests seated and announces you and friends to great fanfare. EVERYONE notices! The food is served on time and the DJ points out to your guests how good it is. He points out through the evening how beautiful the flowers are, how beautiful the centerpieces are and of course, how beautiful you are in that wonderful dress! Everyone notices! The photographer is great. They never ask you any annoying questions because they coordinate with the DJ. Everyone knows what's going on because the DJ communicates to them over the microphone, loud enough that EVERYONE (or nearly everyone!) hears. The toast is heard by all since the DJ supplies a mic. Everyone sees the cake cutting and many take pictures because the DJ calls everyone's attention to this event. Because the DJ announces and manages each event, nobody cuts in on your first dance, your parents and bridal party are all where they need to be for their dances and the money dance reaps a sizable reward that you can use to pay for fun stuff on your honeymoon, and of course, a tip for your DJ ;). When the dance floor opens, you notice a few guests leave, but you notice a lot more headed to the dance floor. In addition to the music you picked out during the planning stages of your wedding, during the DJ consultation, you also find yourself dancing to songs you never heard before, or songs that you haven't heard in such a long time you've forgotten them. But your guests are dancing and laughing and you dance with them. Suddenly you realize it's not about demanding only certain songs get played, it's understanding everyone pursues a good time dancing to different melodies. When your time expires at the hall the room is still crowded with guests. Your DJ sends you off with a final farewell as your guests wave goodbye. You duck into your waiting car and speed off, just the two of you, to the beginning of your honeymoon.

You smile as you leave and feel all warm inside; this is exactly how you thought it would be! Then you reach into your bag to make sure it's there: yep, right where you stashed it. Your iPod and headphones, waiting to be used for what it does best: to play music for you while you relax beside the pool or on the beach, while you wait for your spouse to bring you that cold drink!

Dancing and HealthJanuary 2007 Costco "Connection" reports that dancing is good for you!

Hoof Your Way to Health
Burn 200 - 350 an hour dancing!
A stately waltz can be just as effective as cycling or treadmill training for increasing endurance.
Dancing can improve sleep, mood, the ability to do hobbies and chores, improves your sex life, improves strength, bone health, flexibility, posture, coordination and balance.

Dance as excercise videos:

"Dance off the Inches: Sizzling Salsa," 57 minutes with fitness pro Stella Sandoval
"Dance off the inches:Tummy Tone Party Zone," 51 minutes of easy to follow dance routines hosted by Marie Forleo.
"10 Minute Solution: Fat Blasting Dance Mix,"Jennifer Galardi leads you through 5 10-minute dance segments.

Podcasts

How to Do Bridal Shows (June 2007)

Cheap DJ's (July 2007)

Questions about Bridal Parties

Maid of Honor -- Best Man -- Bridesmaids -- Groomsmen -- Flowergirls -- Ringbearer/Trainbearer -- Not sure how many attendants to have? To determine the number of attendants at your wedding consider:The size of your overall wedding. If the budget allows it, a large number of attendants is acceptable. It’s just as acceptable to have just a best man and a maid of honor stand with the bride and groom.

General rule of thumb: the more guests, the larger the bridal party. Usually, weddings in the Central Valley feature two to three bridesmaids and groomsmen with a best man and maid of honor, a ring-bearer and flower girl or two.

The location(s): remember, if you are having the wedding and the reception at different locations, you need to consider the accessibility of both locations for your bridal party. Don’t make your party so large that you can’t comfortable accommodate all the members or someone will feel slighted.Your budget: Don’t forget, the more attendants you have, the more bouquets, boutonnieres and gifts you'll buy.

Maid or Matron of Honor Duties:

Pays for own wedding attire
Alone or with bridesmaids, has a shower for the bride (optional)
Helps organize the bridesmaids with their fittings and on wedding day
Keeps the groom's ring until the appropriate time in the ceremony, when she exchanges it for the bride’s bouquet.
Signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness
Assists the bride with the train and veil at the altar
Is a member of the receiving line and is seated in a place of honor at the reception.

Best Man -- Groomsmen -- Flower girl -- Ring and Trainbearers

Bridesmaids Duties:There are no rules for how many, there can be as many as 8 but no more than 12, less if a small wedding. May have an odd or even number. With 3 or less, they walk single file down the aisle in front of the maid of honor. With even number of 4 or more, they may walk in pairs. If bridesmaids outnumber ushers, they can walk in pairs or alone. Most brides try to keep the same number of bridesmaids and ushers for symmetry at the altar and in pictures.

Bridesmaids:

Purchase their own wedding attire
May, alone or together, have a shower for the bride.
Attend all pre-wedding parties
Attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner party.

Groomsmen -- Flower girl -- Ring and Trainbearers

The Best Man duties:

Offers moral support and is the groom’s right-hand man in organizing activities and handling important duties, including the bachelor party. (Traditions have changed somewhat: no longer is the bachelor party just for guys. More and more people are now having combined bachelor/bachelorette parties where the guys and gals get together.

Pays for his own wedding attire
Transports the groom to the church and helps him dress
Supervises the ushers' fittings and organizes them on the wedding day.
Keeps the bride's wedding ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony.
Delivers the officiant’s fee before or after the ceremony.
Signs the wedding certificate as a witness
Makes the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception and reads any telegrams
Dances with the bride
Sees that the suitcases are loaded into the honeymoon car, and that the groom has his plane ticket, itinerary and travelers’ checks.
Takes the groom's wedding attire to the cleaners or rental shop.

Flower girl -- Ring and Trainbearers

The Ushers or Groomsmen duties:

No definite number but generally, but it is suggested that you plan on one usher for every 50 guests. Groomsmen walk down the aisle singly if less than 4, may be paired if 4 or more. They often accompany the groom to the front of the church prior to the ceremony when the officiant and groom take their places.

Groomsmen:

Pay for their own wedding attire
Arrive at the church one hour before the ceremony to seat the early guests.
Seat people with pew cards in the reserved or special section
Distribute wedding service programs, if any
Seat the bride’s guests usually on the left, and the groom's on the right. ( In the Orthodox Jewish wedding the sides are reversed)
Direct the placement of wedding gifts
Seat the groom's parents in the right front pew and then the brides' mother in the left front row.
She is the last person seated before the processional begins.
Unroll the aisle runner, then take their places.
Escort the bridesmaids out of the church after the recessional.

The Flower Girl Duties:One or two little girls, 4 to 8 years old. Tots are too young and may be distracting.

May carry a basket of rose petals to scatter down the aisle, or bouquet
She may carry baby roses to pass out along the aisle

Ringbearer or Trainbearer

Not necessary to have either
Cute little boys about 4-5 years of age
May also be a little girl. If so, she should be dressed the same as the flower girl
The ringbearer carries ring(s) tied by a ribbon on a satin or lacy pillow. It’s suggested that you tie "fake" rings to the pillow, not the actual ceremony bands; that way if there is an accident and one of the ring or both of the rings are lost, it doesn’t hinder the ceremony.
The ringbearer may walk alone or with the flower girl, but precedes the bride
The trainbearer carries the bridal gown train, following the bride down the aisle.

Advice to Brides

Here's some bits of advice that might help with your planning:

To determine the number of attendants at your wedding consider:

Size of Overall Wedding

Location

Budget

Remember: the more attendants you have the more gifts you'll have to buy.Picking a Place for your Wedding:While weddings are performed almost anywhere imaginable, consider the following:

What degree of formality are you comfortable with?

Number of guests?

Brides Attire ?

Indoor or outdoors?

One new trend is the weekend wedding, where family and friends from around the country or world all convene for a reunion as a part of the wedding festivities.

Or, invite the wedding party on vacation to any destination to enjoy some fun and frolic with the bride and groom.

Another trend is the surprise wedding: plan it under the pretext of being some other kind of party (such as birthday). Enlist the aid of a friend in throwing the party, once guests are there, let them know they are actually at a wedding!

Receptions:After 20 years of producing over 100 weddings annually, one thing that I've noted is that brides tend to organize the ceremony really well, but neglect to invest much time in the reception. Yet, the ceremony is often no more than 30 minutes to an hour long, whereas the reception lasts several hours. Wedding coordinators tend to focus on the purchasing activities and organization of the wedding party and the ceremony, but many brides have been caught short when assuming the wedding coordinator will also manage the reception. Most coordinators are done as soon as you say "I do!"

Years ago we started offering reception management as a part of our package and continue to do so even now. I recommend to brides that they let their MC be their reception manager as the MC should be the person who understands the importance of timing and entertainment.

Some brides rely on photographers to make a schedule for the reception; I recommend against this. Think about it: what does a photographer know about entertaining your guests? He or she is looking for ways to optomize their picture taking, not keeping your guests happy.

What if your MC is reluctant to manage your reception? Then find another MC! There are plenty of quality companies that can provide entertaining announcing along with music. Don't compromise!

Here are some things to consider in preparing for the reception:

When will guests begin arriving at the reception site? Is it the same place where the wedding ceremony is taking place, or is it in another location?

Will the bride and groom be taking pictures before or after the ceremony? (this will determine how soon after the ceremony they will arrive at the reception.)

How elaborate a dinner will be served?

If it takes longer to get the food prepared than the caterer estimates, do you have a back-up for something to do?

Remember that your DJ cannot force people to dance!

Sometimes, brides see guests start to leave for one reason or another and they seem to expect the DJ to physically grab the people and force them to stay. Obviously, a DJ can't do that , but by working with your before the event he or she can develop a plan of action to minimize the number who leave before the night really begins.

A few years ago, putting hats on people, playing interactive dance songs and things of this nature were all the rage. If you are into that it's fine to have it at your wedding. But many people now prefer a more "laid back" approach to their reception without the MC acting as a "circus ringleader." That means the DJ will be less obvious in his attempts to encourage people to dance. Don't be alarmed if people don't spontaneously take to the dance floor. If the room or area has too much ambient light (such as in the case of afternoon weddings), if a lot of people are talking, if the bar is in a separate room from the dance floor you'll find that people are a little slower to dance without being coaxed. There are ways to effectively deal with these situations, and if you give the MC/DJ time, they will get your group going.

Traditions:

For Victorian weddings:

If outdoors, find a romantic spot with weeping willows, lilacs, wisteria or a lake, fishpond or gurgling brook.

For an indoor location, chose a historic mansion, lodge, country estate or chalet with a sweeping, curving driveway or dramatic staircase.

Give the guests little doily cones or baskets filled with color-coordinated confetti to throw as you and your groom leave

Don't stash your bouquet away after the ceremony., put it on the cake table

Serve cookies in the shape of wedding cakes. Serve them to your quests on handsome silver-plated trays.

Adorn the table with the cake ornament instead of the cake top

Fill a ceramic planter with ice to chill champagne, decorate with berries and blossoms.

romantic Victorian flowers include baby's breath, bachelor 's buttons, carnations, chrysanthemums and irises.

International:

French custom: drink the wedding toast from the Coupe de Marriage, a double-handled goblet or bowl.

Armenian: release two white doves from a cage at the reception. Symbolizes unity and love.

Chinese: Pass out fortune cookies at the reception

German: Give a blue and white napkin for guests to wrap up left-overs

Greek: bride and groom share bites of same piece of cake, signifying union.

Ancient Jewish: throw grains of wheat at bride to insure fertility.

Swedish: an elaborate smorgasbord

Scotland: Savories, like crusty hot or cold meat pies and tiny light tarts, are served before or after a meal. The main course consists of sausage with bacon, grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, finnan haddie or Scotch salmon. For dessert: peach melba, trifle or soft custard.

Military: happy couple pass under framed arch of swords and sabers. Adapt to other occupations: In England, farmers under pitchforks, police under nightsticks.

Bridal Bouquet:Want to send a subtle message? Do it through the choice of flowers in your bouquet.

Azalea.......................... Temperance

bluebell.........................constancy

White Camellia..............perfect loveliness

Carnation......................Pure, deep love

Red Chrysanthemum.....I Love you

Clematis.......................Mental beauty

Daffodil........................regard, chivalry

White Daisy..................Innocence

Forget-Me-Not.............true love

Honeysuckle.................Affection

Ivy................................fidelity and friendship

Lilac..............................first emotion of love

White Lily......................purity

Lily of the Valley............return of happiness

Nasturtium.....................Patriotism

Orange Blossom............bridal festivities

Phlox............................Unanimity

Red Rose......................Love

White Rose...................worthiness

Rosemary ...................remembrance

Stock............................Lasting beauty

Sweet Pea.....................Lasting pleasure

Tuberose.......................dangerous pleasures

Tulip..............................Hopeless love

Violet............................Modesty, faithfulness

Photography:

Photos before the big day: Appoint a person as an official record-keeper and arm them with disposable cameras with orders to snap away.

Bride trying on veils

flower girl rehearsing her part

groom at bachelor party

Bridal Shower: As each gift is opened, have teh maid of honor snap a shot of the bride, the gift and giver together. Get extra copies made and jot a note on the back to serve as a thank you card

Reception: Put disposable cameras on each table and let the guests fire away.Put a box or receptacle by the exits for the cameras to be placed in

After the party's over use the candid shots taken by friends...

thank you notes

scrapbooks

home decorations



Use digital processing techniques to add special effects to your pictures for customization as gifts

Frame your wedding picture and display it

Send friends and family framed enlargements of special wedding pics that include them.

Here are some extra tips about how to plan your wedding:

Have a girl who is too old to be a flower girl, too young to be a brides maid? Have junior bridesmaids, girls 9 - 14. They precede attendants down the aisle, with or without partners.

The bride's mother may discuss what she is going to wear with the groom's mother; the bride's mother usually chooses what she will wear first

The person who paid for the wedding need not be the first mentioned on the invitation. For instance, you may pay for the wedding, but still list your parents as the hosts.

Never ask for cash as a gift. Let the other people in your planned wedding party spread the word.

Dealing with divorced parents can present difficulties.

Suggestions:

If both are on friendly terms and neither has remarried, both may sit in the first pew at a Christian wedding (or stand under the huppah at a Jewish ceremony).

The parent with whom you lived sits in the first pew with spouse, while the other sits in the third pew, with spouse.

In the receiving line, ask your father to circulate to avoid guest confusion.

If both are in the line, have one stand next to you, the other at the end.

To let guests know that children are not invited to the wedding, the child's name would not be listed on the inner envelope of the invitation. Conversely, if they are invited, the name appears on the invitation right below the parents. However, in our informal society, some quests might not understand that nuance in receiving an invitation.

If a quest asks, gracefully explain there will be no facilities for the children. You might offer to make arrangements for a room at the reception site, or recommend a babysitter who can tend them. You and the groom can then visit the children during the reception so they feel like part of the festivities.

When dealing with single friends with a guest, you are not obligated to do so, but it is appropriate to find out the name of the guest and send a separate invitation specifically addressed to him or her.

The Engagement:

After the question is popped, the parents should get together and visit. The groom's mother calls the bride's mother to make arrangements.

Bride's immediate family does not host the shower, or it looks like they are begging gifts.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen traditionally pay their own expenses, but the bride and groom may assist the financially strapped.

Ceremony seating

Bride on the left side, groom on the right

Jewish weddings are reversed

In case of divorced parents:

Seat each parent with his/her own family and friends at the reception

Seat the groom's parents with the parent who raised the bride.

Special Edition: Weddings at the White Horse Inn

HI! Just wanted to say hello and hope that your wedding planning is going great. The past couple of days I've been in contact with a lot of brides and it's been fun talking to each of you about your plans. Many of you are utilizing friends as DJs for your event. I'm sure that makes it easy on your pocketbook but please be careful: I've gotten calls on Saturday afternoons from panicked brides and grooms who thought their friend would make their wedding important only to find themselves without a DJ on their wedding day. I'm also finding a lot of brides who are kinda unsure about what they should be doing to get ready for their wedding and what some of the considerations are for their entertainment, be it a band or a DJ. I recently e-chatted with Brittany, an April bride and while we were unfortunately already sold out for her date, I shared with her the important aspects every bride needs to consider for her wedding. I thought it might help other brides if I shared it so I'm forwarding it to you: I'll share some insights with you, especially in regard to the White Horse.

First of all, don't fret too much over your ceremony music. Jeanie and Gary have a sound system up near the waterfall that they will let you use for your ceremony music. Talk to your DJ as far as who will supply the actual music (you, him or the White Horse) and what format (CD, MP3, etc) the music will be in. Things to consider with music:

1) background music for guest arrival;
2) song for the parents,
3) another for the bridesmaids,
4) one for you,
5) a unity candle or similar event song, (if you're having one) and
6) recessional (bridal party leaves altar).

When in doubt about what songs to play, consult the people involved. For instance, ask your mom or his mom for song suggestions for them to walk down the aisle. Having others help you pick the music will take the stress off and gets others involved in the planning of the little stuff, letting you concentrate on the big stuff. Once you hire a DJ, consult with them for further advice.

The only personal advice I give is make the recessional something upbeat; it sets the tone for the rest of the reception, which will be much longer than the ceremony.

The typical layout at the White Horse puts the DJ on the lower deck close to the bar. Typically, Jeanie and Gary allow the DJ to tie into their speakers located up by the dining area allowing music in both areas. Usually, after everyone is done eating, the White Horse staff removes the buffet tables (if you're having a buffet) and the upstairs brick area is made available to you. You and your DJ will need to decide if your special dances will take place upstairs or downstairs. Once you have your DJ hired he will typically need the following information:

1) names of parents (let him know if anyone is divorced and if they are, are they remarried and does everybody get along!);
2) names of bridal party members such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honor, best man, ringbearer, flowergirl and anyone else involved in the processional;
3) who is doing the toast (please notify the person(s) doing the toast a few months in advance so they have time to write and practice something. If they suffer from stage fright have them check the Internet for the Toastmasters International group nearest them and that group will actually allow them to come in and practice in front of a small group as well as give pointers on perfecting the delivery);
4) who is giving a prayer, if any;
5) special songs you'll want.

When it comes to music, you'll need to think about

1)your first dance song;
2) a song to dance with your father;
3) a song for your groom to dance with his mother;
4) bridalparty dance song;
5) money dance songs.

You might choose to combine the two of you dancing with your parents or let's say he's self-conscious about dancing with his mom; just drop that dance. It's perfectly OK. Again, if you aren't sure what songs to use, talk to the parents involved about songs that remind them of you or they remember from when you were born, etc. FM Softrock 98.7 in the Central Valley area is a good source for wedding music. You can also visit my website at zzydj.com for suggestions. Other songs to consider, but that your DJ should stock, are songs for the bouquet and garter tosses, and the cake cutting.

As far as dance music goes, I give a few general advisories:

1) Tell your DJ the kind(s) of music you DON'T want as well as what you do want;
2) Let your DJ build you a playlist; don't try to program the music for the whole night. It rarely works, the DJ will end up playing other music and you are wasting valuable time prior to the wedding;
3) Let your DJ take requests. Your guests will have more fun and will stay longer if they get some input as to what gets played.

Your DJ will work with you on this, but I usually suggest that you plan the evening so that your give your guests about 1 to 1-1/2 hours of uninterrupted dance time. That is pretty much what you're looking at for planning the entertainment for your wedding. Jeanie will work closely with you so if you have any questions about just about anything she can usually answer them or get you an answer. Use her as a resource as she is very helpful.

Hope that helps with your planning; if you have any other questions and you want some input, email me. I guess I can now put a shameless plug in here for myself: if you are planning a video montage for the wedding I make them, and I get rave reviews on shows that are fun and incorporate a lot of music and animation. [End of shameless plug!]

Good luck with your planning and your wedding and remember, Have fun with it!

Step-by-Step Wedding Planning

Making the Commitment

One of the greatest parts of a wedding (and the first thing you'll be performing)
are the vows. Years ago there was a pretty standard format for vows; the minister
did most of the talking and the bride and groom just repeated what they were told
with their name in place of "your name here." I still see that occasionally, but more
often the bride and groom are writing their own vows. It's much more personal
when you write your own vows, make your own very personal commitments to
your betrothed and hear words from the heart from your spouse. I've even seen
some theatrics thrown in, too! (More on that later)

You don't have to be a poet or even a good writer to do your own vows. As an
officiant, there are certain things that I'm required to say when I pronounce
someone husband and wife, but for you, there are no legal requirements regarding
what you say to each other. You can say what you feel. If you aren't sure where to
get started there are a number of web sites that will give you some great ideas and
starting points. Here's some of them:

1) Find actual vows and ideas galore!

2) 6 step process for writing your vows.

3) 13 categories of sample vows.

4) Print this form to use as a guide while planning your vows.

5) Preview a book about writing your vows!

As you can see from the examples, there are plenty of ways to customize your vows.
If you are using your pastor or minister to officiate the wedding the vows will
probably have a Christian tone to them, whereas non-denominational officiants
such as myself are usually more flexible and can include or exclude religious references depending on your own personal tastes.

OK, I told you earlier you can even incorporate theatrics into your vows. I recently
did a wedding where the bridesmaids and bride had planned something special at
the "I Do" moment. When the officiant (I was doing the music!) asked the bride if
she took the groom as her husband she replied, "I do, I do, I do" whereupon all the
bridesmaids looked over their right shoulders at the audience and added in unison
"She does, she does, she does!" You can imagine what a memorable moment that was!

Have fun customizing your vows if you choose to do so. If you still have problems
deciding what to do feel free to drop me an email stating your concerns as I have the
right answers, I just need somebody to ask me the right questions! Until next time, enjoy this great time of your life, keep smiling and enjoy the shopping! And remember...

Have fun with it!

Alternatives to Candle-Lightings

I'm sure you're all familiar with the candle-lighting ceremony you see at a lot of weddings. It's a great tradition, demonstrates symbolically the new relationship of a husband and wife becoming one and makes for great memories and photos. If you are thinking about doing a candle-lighting as a part of your ceremony by all means, go ahead!

For those of you who aren't sure, I offer this piece of advice: if you are having an outdoor wedding, do something other than candles.

Outside the weather is unpredictable; if you've ever seen the movie "The Weatherman" with Nicholas Cage, his meteorological colleague makes the comment "You know, wind is everywhere..." And, it seems whenever there's a candle lighting ceremony at an outdoor wedding wind makes an appearance. I've witnessed mothers trying to light candles and the lighters won't stay lit; I've seen brides and grooms struggle, sometimes giving up with lighting the candle because the wind is just too strong. There are however, alternatives.

Check out these links for some alternate ideas:

1) "The Knot's" Alternatives to Unity Candles
2) About.com's Unity Candle Ideas (this site mentions a truce bell; I'm gonna get me one of those!)
3) Edyta Szyszlo's Blog (This photographer's blog mentions using a "money tree"- check it out!)

The other thing I wanted to touch on briefly is music. Using music outside the traditional marches to augment your ceremony is a great idea; just keep one thing in mind: don't make the music too long! I've seen weddings where brides have used two songs for the candle lighting and insisted they both be played in their entirety. The average song is 3.5 minutes long; just sit and stare at the wall for 7 minutes and see how long that feels. Now imagine being in front of everyone in the warm sunshine just standing there for 7 minutes. It's an eternity!

Of course, the idea is the guests get to hear the lyrics of the song(s) that are so special to you; there's just one problem. Most people listen to just a little bit of the song before their minds start to wander. So, my suggestion is this: stick to no more than one song at a time and if necessary, have the song tailored so that your favorite lyrics play relatively soon in whatever it is you're using the song. If you have a song that is meaningful and you want it played all the way through, I suggest using it for the dance later. One way to incorporate special songs is to have a married couples dance or have one song for a first dance from you to your groom then later have a second dance where the song is dedicated from your groom to you.

There are plenty of inventive ways to incorporate music into your event. If you're having trouble or concerns trying to decide exactly what to do, give me a call or drop an email and I'll give you the benefit of my 20 years of experience! (I have tons of great answers, I just need people to ask the questions!)

Well, that's it for this time. Good luck with all that planning and remember...

Have fun with it!

Incorporating Family and Friends: The Bridal Party

It doesn't matter how large your bridal party is: it can be just a Maid or Matron of Honor and a Best Man, or it can be 9 attendants on each side. There are a couple of things to consider though when deciding how many you'll have. One thing to remember is the more attendants you have the more money you'll be spending on gifts and flowers.

The other thing to consider is how much space you have at the ceremony and reception locations. If you are getting married in a small church that might limit how many attendants you can have. At the reception you don't want an attendant mad at you because they couldn't sit with you.

One way is to limit the number of attendants; another solution might be to have a separate table for attendants. Some brides and grooms have a table just for the two of them and have the attendants sit at another table close to them. If you feel self-conscious, you might have the maid of honor and the best man sit with you.

Another thing to consider is how much time you have until your wedding and what you are asking your bridal party members to do for you. Bridemaids and groomsmen are typically responsible to buy or rent their own outfits. If you're getting married next year they have more time to save the money to get what they need for you. On the other hand, if you are getting married in a few months, you should consider, especially in this economic climate, how much you are asking your bridal party to invest in you in a short period of time. I've seen some weddings where the bride chose to put her bridesmaids in inexpensive, off-the-rack dresses that were pretty, classy and comfortable, especially at spring and summer events.

Children in the Bridal Party

Another thing to consider is the use of children in your bridal party. I have to share a personal story with you. Our youngest son is the youngest of his generation in our family. When he was a toddler his older brother started taking him to the bridal shows, putting him in a little tux and taking him on-stage with the models. He quickly graduated to ring bearer in actually weddings.

When he was about 4 we went to a wedding as guests. I noticed he was acting uncharacteristically controlled prior to the wedding. Just before the ceremony started he leaned over to me and asked, "Dad, when do I go get in my tux?" He had never been to a wedding where he wasn't the ring bearer!

My son did a good job as a ring bearer because he was good at following directions. That's the biggest thing you want to make sure: the kids must be able to understand when someone says, "Come up here." or something similar. If the children are too young they often lose interest shortly after beginning their walk down the aisle and will end up wandering aimlessly about at the back of the guests' chairs.

The other thing you need to consider is stage-fright. You want to use kids that are outgoing and won't get scared. That's actually pretty easy: most kids like being the center of attention, it's not til we get older that we worry about looking goofy!

If you have a baby you want to include in the bridal party I've seen two ideas that work well. One was to have the maid of honor carry the baby down the aisle. The other is to get a wagon, decorate it in the colors of the wedding and have the ringbearer and flowergirl pull the wagon down the aisle.

Here's some links to help you further:

Ideas for choosing your bridal party from Mahalo.com
Bridal party gifts for flowergirls and ring bearers.
Ideas for bridal party gifts

Bridal Party Introductions

Today I just wanted to briefly cover bridal party introductions. There are a few things to consider with your introductions. You can divide your bridal party into three groups:

1)      the parents,

2)      the children and

3)      the bridesmaids, groomsmen and the two of you.

Parents:

            You may choose to have your parents walk in as a part of the bridal party intros. That’s fine; considerations you should make are:

1) can both sets of parents walk without trouble (this is especially important to consider if you have elderly grandparents or great-grandparents you are including in the formal bridal party);

2) Are any of the parents divorced? When parents are divorced then you have to consider if one or more of the parents remarried. If they are remarried can the parents walk in together amicably, or do you need to incorporate their new spouse? And you have to be sure that even if your divorced parents get along if they have a spouse, the spouse isn’t going to get jealous and potentially cause an problem at your reception. (There are some brides who have the attitude “It’s my wedding and the new spouse can lump it!” and frankly, a bride should be able to do that. However, when that new spouse decides to make a scene at a wedding I’ve seen the bride regretting she didn’t take preventative action!)

3) The size of the overall bridal party. If you have 10 couples walking in as a part of the bridal party introductions you may decide that adding two sets of parents (potentially more when there’s a divorce) may take more time than you would like.

An alternative to having your parents walk in with the bridal party is to have them introduced as a part of the dinner portion of your reception. When the parents are not part of the bridal party I like to introduce them right after dinner and before the toasts, or when one or more of the parents are participating in the toasts, I will introduce them as a part of the toast introductions. Either way, the guests all get to see your parents, get to know who they are and your parents are incorporated into the reception.

Children are a lot like parents in the respect that their presence as a part of the official bridal party is not absolutely necessary. If the children are older, can be directed as to where to go and what to do, and can do it without a lot of guidance then having them in the introductions is great. If you have babies or toddlers as a part of your party, then you should consider some different options to just hoping they’ll walk where they’re needed.

If you incorporated the wagon idea discussed earlier you can certainly get double usage by having the youngster pulled in to the reception. I usually line up the ring bearer and flowergirl right in front of the best man and maid of honor. Then I recruit those two to help me out if the little ones get stage fright or wander off. I introduce the kids immediately followed by the best man and maid of honor and they all walk in together.

Introducing the bridesmaids and groomsmen can be as formal or fun as you want. In addition to the usual way of introducing the bridal party, here are some ideas I’ve used in the past:

1) Use a special song for each couple. If you have a fun-loving group of very close friends or if you’ve matched up your bridal party with similar personalities, this might be a great option for you. Songs can range from the serious to the ridiculous; the main thing is to find a song that captures the personalities of those walking in to it and that they feel comfortable.

2) Using a theme. One of the most memorable weddings I’ve MC’d is one where the groom wanted the groomsmen introduced as professional wrestlers (he was a WWF nut). So, working with him we improvised some intros for the guys. Then we needed something for the girls; so I worked with the bride to come up with a series of introductions that sounded like we were doing a Miss America pageant. (There were two very memorable introductions: one guy had a nickname of “Trailer Boy” because he lived with his mom in a trailer while all of his friends had gotten married; and one of the bridesmaids had really made an impression on the bride when they were at camp and the bridesmaid had spewed beans into the campfire when she got sick!)

Of course, how you have your bridal party introduced is entirely dependant on what you are doing for your wedding. Factors such as the atmosphere you’re trying to create, how formal or informal you want your wedding to be and other factors all play a role in deciding what you want to do at your wedding as far as introductions are concerned.

Here’s some web sites that feature more ideas for your bridal party introductions:

Songs for Bridal Party Intro

Tips on introductionss

More intro songs

Toasting: The Ums and the Ahs

We've covered a lot of subjects so far in our discussion of wedding planning and today I'd like to touch upon a subject that isn't directly related to you but rather to the people who will be participating in your reception. Once the bridal party is announced and dinner is served (if you're having food), the "formalities" part of the reception begins. Usually kicking off this portion of the reception are those people responsible for offering the toasts. These may include your best man and maid or matron of honor as well as other bridesmaids and groomsmen, parents, family members and guests.

Having been a member of Toastmasters International, a non-profit educational organization dedicated to helping people develop better public speaking skills, I have a lengthy background in public speaking, have competed in public speaking contests and speak before groups almost every week. But, public speaking hasn't always been easy for me. Did you know that a study once showed that the majority of Americans would rather have dental work done that speak before a group of people?! My own experience began as a boy when I was about 10 years old and discovered that I had stagefright so bad I would cry when standing before a group of people. So, I started forcing myself to stand up in church and speak whenever I had the chance. It took awhile, but by the time I was in high school I was able to stand in front of a group and speak just fine. Then I started competing as a speaker my Sophomore year. By the time I graduated from high school I had a few contest wins under my belt and was well on my way to speaking publicly for a living!

Most people don't have the benefit of experience to back them up as they prepare to offer up a toast at your wedding. Some people are natural-born public speakers and have poise and confidence when they have a microphone in their hands. Others are like deer caught in the headlights of an approaching car: their minds freeze up and they produce dead air. (That's what we call silence in the radio business).I remember one wedding where a groomsmen was called upon to give an impromptu toast and I really felt sorry for the guy. He really wanted to say something but he literally said nothing but "Um," "uh" and "ah" for about a minute. That's when I took the mic back; a minute doesn't seem like much time, but that's about 60-80 ums and ahs! I gave him some words of encouragement and moved on to the next toaster.

To help you and the people you are calling upon to make toasts, I'm sharing an article I wrote a few years ago about how to prepare and execute an effective toast. The one big piece of advice I give to all of you is make sure you let the people involved in giving a toast lots of advance notice. Accept their decision if they decline your invitation to speak. And forward to your speakers the following tips to improve the speeches of those who do toast:

1.         Plan ahead! What exactly do you want to tell the guests? Sharing personal stories and anecdotes is always a great way to personalize a toast. You can also mention:

how you met

how you happen to know each other

are related to the bride and groom.

2.         Rehearse! Don’t wing it or you may come off like the best man in the Wedding Singer! Practice a couple of times.

Practice in front of a mirror! (Are you looking at the audience?

Make a note card to bring as a prompt. (Don’t bring a speech written out long-hand on a piece of notebook paper torn from a spiral binder!)

3. Watch your body language:

avoid swaying or rocking back and forth.

Put your arm around your partner, or lock your knees.

If you have a hard time finding a use for your hands, hold your glass.

Make sure to look out at your audience.
a.         Look at various points around the room:
(all the people behind a point in a V-shape will think you are looking at them)
b.         Find friendly places in 3 or 4 places and everyone feels like you made eye contact with them personally!

Okay, it’s the moment of truth: you’re about to make your speech:

Take a deep breath, tilt your chin up and smile.

Breathe slowly and deeply and remember that a pause is just verbal punctuation; it doesn’t have to mean you forgot your lines!

Use a microphone. To test to see if it is on, gently scratch your fingernail across the top of it once.

Lay your note card on the table in front of you to remind you of what you want to say if you lose your place.

Use the microphone like a pro: hold it three or four inches from your mouth and talk over the top of it.

Say what you have to say, and remember the words of Franklin Delano Roosevelt: “Be sincere, be brief and be seated!”

That sums up my mini-course of how to give an effective toast. Here’s some other links that might help your bridal party or even the two of you with ideas for your toasts:

Innocent English.Com A fun site that offers a funny video every day plus a slew of great ideas for your toasts.

Ezine Article on Toasting featuring Best Man Tips and Tricks

Your Wedding Place Article on Toasting with a brief run down of specifics to giving a good toast.

And as always, if you have any questions or need any help you can reach me via email or give me a call. I'll be happy to help where I can.. And remember:

Have fun with it!

Dancing the First Dance

Now on with my ongoing series regarding planning your wedding. Today I thought we would explore the topic of First Dances. Most couples don't worry too much about the first dance: you pick out the song that was playing when he proposed, or a song that has become popular while you two were engaged and you dance to it. Pretty simple. On the other hand, I occasionally see couples who have issues with the first dance. The most common are:

He doesn't dance very well.

Neither the bride nor the groom is really into music so they don't have a song picked out.

They feel self-conscious about being alone on the dance floor.

They're afraid it'll be boring.

First, a lot of guys feel really self-conscious about dancing. Most guys also think they're Dancing with the Stars material after about 4 beers. If your sweetheart is shy about his dance moves the best thing I can suggest is get him some lessons! There are studios and private instructors around that will help him perfect his moves and make him a little more comfortable dancing. The other thing you can do is send him to the gym, for pilates or aerobics. These exercise regiments help reinforce balance and rhythm and can help him do better on the dance floor.

Second, if neither of you is really into music don't sweat it. You can check out my own list of music to get ideas or search the web for other suggestions. Youtube is a good source to see the song "in action." The other thing to consider is no dance at all! When my wife and I got married we didn't have any special dances because it was an afternoon wedding. We could have, we just chose not to and you can also do the same.

Third, if you feel self-conscious about being on the dancefloor here's a couple of things to consider. First, you can have your bridal party form a semi-circle around the dance floor so they are behind you and the guests can see you. If that makes you feel secure enough, then do your first dance this way. If you still feel ill-at-ease, then have the bridal party join you part way through your song. You'll soon be part of the group instead of a sole couple, plus you can save time with your events by getting double-duty out of the song by using it as a bridal party dance as well. The great thing about this is it saves you from having to come up with another song for the bridal party which can be time-consuming if you aren't into music.

Your first dance doesn't have to be boring! The rage right now is to use a mix where you start out with the traditional slow song and switch to something more upbeat and fun; or a whole series of fun songs. Even if you don't do a mix, just learning how to dance can liven up your first dance. Doing a swing number, a waltz or any number of ballroom dances can liven up your first dance.

The main thing is to do something that fits your style. I had a couple dance to "Hey Delilah" but the bride's mom had a musician re-do it and substitute the bride's name for Delilah. That was a cool personal touch! Some brides and grooms like something traditional and it fits their personal style or the low-key atmosphere of their wedding. Others choose to go the route of some of the videos you've seen here. You should feel comfortable with whatever you decide to do but don't settle for something mundane if your heart tells you to take a chance and do something different.

Good luck picking that first dance number... and practicing the dance steps! And remember...

Have fun with it!

And all the other Dances...

Last time I gave you some information regarding your first dance. Today I'm going to cover all the other dances you encounter at a wedding. Some of these dances you might be thinking of doing, some you might decide don't work for you. That's fine: you might even come up with some ideas of dances for yourself.

Typically, after the first dance, in this part of the country you'll see the following at most weddings:

Parents Dance

Dollar or Money Dance

Bridal Party Dance

Anniversary Dance

Parents Dance:
The parents dance is typically done in either of two ways. Some brides have a dance with their father and the groom dances with his mother to two separate songs. Other brides and grooms, such as the wedding I did this last weekend, combine the dance so that both the bride and groom and dancing with their parents to the same song. Sometimes I have a couple who want to be on the dance floor at the same time with both parents, but have two different songs. That's when we look into mixing or sampling the two songs and combining them into one number that has meaning to each of the parents.

Some brides like to pick the parents' dance songs themselves, and I have a list on my website.

Other brides and grooms are unsure what kind of song to pick for their parents. In these situations I suggest going to the parents and asking them directly about a song they want. Sometimes there is a song that reminds a parent of their child or, especially in the case of mothers, there is a song they've dreamed all their lives they would someday dance to with their son. Parents are great resources for these songs and, if you let them pick them, chances are they will enjoy dancing to them and you'll end up with better looking pictures and video because Mom and/or Dad isn't trying to figure out how to dance to an unfamiliar song.

Dollar or Money Dance
The dollar or money dance is a popular feature of many weddings in the Valley.
Some brides and grooms feel really self-conscious about having a money dance thinking that they are begging for money. If you feel uncomfortable with the tradition you shouldn't do it, but please realize many guests expect to have a money dance and come prepared for it. The tradition behind the dance seems to have originated in Poland in the 1900's where money was pinned to the bride and groom in lieu of wedding gifts while they were dancing. In this area many Mexican weddings feature pinning the money on the bride and groom, where other weddings feature the bride carrying a bag (I carry a back-up money purse in my van!) At Hungarian weddings the bride takes off her shoes and puts them in the center of the floor where they are filled with money!

I usually tell my brides to let me pick the money dance music as I base it on the various ages of the guests, fitting in songs I think will motivate them to come to the dance floor. I also like to refer to it as the "money" dance versus the "dollar" dance as I think it encourages people to give more. And, in those cases where the bride and groom decide not to do one but the guests start pestering them to go ahead with it at the reception, I carry a loaner money purse on my van!

The last thing I'll mention is that some DJ's will discourage you from having this tradition incorporated in your wedding referring to it as "cheesy." Usually I've found that these DJ's feel uncomfortable doing it, either not knowing how to set it up properly or feeling themselves that it is a form of "begging." Again, it's not begging, it's a custom or tradition, most guests expect it and if you want to do it you should insist that the DJ accommodate you (or you should find a DJ who will!)

Bridal Party Dance
This is perhaps the most fun of all the dances because you get to dance with your friends. There is no "correct" song or dance style for the bridal party dance: you can pretty much do as you please. I've had very traditional dances where a bride and groom choose a down-tempo, romantic song but I've also had bridal parties dance to thrash metal and form a "mosh pit." It really is a matter of personal taste and style. Again, as with the parents, call upon your bridal party members to give ideas regarding songs to use.

Anniversary Dance
This is a dance I use only occasionally, but if you have a group that likes to dance this can be a fun addition to your wedding that many people will not have experienced. Typically, you can pick a song for this dance that is meaningful to you, usually a down-tempo (slow) song that most people will recognize. The DJ can also pick one at the event after sizing up the crowd. I usually begin by bringing all married couples to the dance floor. Then I begin eliminating them based on the number of years they've been married. Eventually, the crowd is thinned to one or two couples who have been married the longest. At the conclusion of the dance I usually have the longest-lived couple share some words of advice regarding longevity in marriage.

That concludes today's discussion regarding dances at your wedding. If you have any questions or need advice give me a call or log onto my website for additional information. And as always, as you plan your wedding remember...

Have Fun With It!

In Conclusion...

Okay, let me finish up this last part of my series on wedding planning! As you continue to plan you’ll remember that I have one goal in mind: to make your wedding really special. Through these emails I've been able to give you ideas about your wedding and I know there's something really special to you.

I invite you to let me create something special just for you. Maybe it's a neat bouquet presentation or a special introduction. Maybe you need a special recording or someone to really tell your love story. Maybe your puzzling over how to incorporate a group dance, or include members of a sorority or work group. These and others are all issues that I love to address and utilize my creativity to solve. To give you an idea of some of the types of events I incorporated into other couple's weddings I've occasionally passed out lyrics to wedding guests then after the bride and groom were announced in I had all guests stand and sing a song to the bridal couple. At an Armenian wedding I had a huge Armenian circle dance to kick off the dance floor. When the bride had a twin sister as a bridesmaid I recited a poem about twins and when the groom was an avid Elvis fan, I put together a special mix and the groom did an Elvis lip sync and dance for the guests.

Some DJs are at a loss when events don't follow the exact schedule. Not me! For instance, when the sun didn’t go down fast enough for a slide show we did a “sexiest legs” contest with the men and then had them do the “Macho Man” dance. Another time I had a special bridal scavenger hunt with groups acting as teams for the bride and groom.

At other weddings when the bride knew there wouldn't be any single women present I did a wedding dance where I eliminated couples based on the number of years they were married, then the bride presented the bouquet to the longest married couple. I've used lighting effects to create special entrances like the bride and groom using the Star Wars theme for their grand entrance so I used our fogger and lasers to add special FX to the entrance. At another I used my DMX lighting to create the search light effect such as you see at the beginning of a Fox movie or TV Show and another where I used lights to spotlight the bride and groom as they descended a staircase onto the dance floor.

These ideas are free. That’s just one little moment of the reception. When we sit down to plan out your reception there will be many opportunities to create magic and you’ll have all of my experience at your disposal. Together we’ll make your reception like no one else’s. I can’t wait to hear from you I have a lot more great ideas you can use to make your reception incredible. I hope we get the chance to work together because I know your reception has the potential to be incredible. Now, the question is, would you like to book?
Then visit zzydj.com right now and click on the Wedding or the Booking link on the left side of the page. It's always the right time to book the DJ you want now, to get access to the ideas you need now. So visit zzydj.com right now.

If you still want to visit other DJs, do yourself a favor: as you talk to other DJs you’ll remember to ask them for their creative ideas...

Then, when you call me at 559-684-1102, we’ll see if your date is available on my calendar.

And, as you continue to plan your wedding remember:

Have fun with it!

Showers

Some things change, other's don't. So, the other day as I was going through and throwing out the out-dated paperwork with fashion tips from the 90's I ran across some excerpts from an Emily Post book that had lots of great info about weddings. I made a few notes and thought I'd share them with you here. Specifically, what I found is about showers.

Showers are parties for the bride where intimate friends and family members are invited. Meant to be small affairs, it's not proper for the immediate family or the bride's parents to initiate one; an aunt or close family friend should host it. You can even have a groom's shower if you so choose, of course, with a masculine theme.

The invitation list should be kept small and usually consists of close friends, family and available members of the bridal party. If taking place at work or club then just co-workers or club members may be invited. When open to couples the theme should be something of interest to both. If a bride is having several showers she need not include everyone on ever shower invitation list; spread the guests around so that nobody is spending too much money on gifts.

Themes for showers are popular as it helps guests know what to bring. The time of day a shower is held also varies. For instance, you might have a brunch on a Saturday morning at 11 and feature household accessories, cleaning aids, spices and condiments or pantry items. A coffee shower would be simpler than a brunch, held in the morning and features coffee and pastries. Themes might include cookbook, recipe or gardening. A luncheon would be more complex, involving an actual meal. These are good for lingerie parties or could feature bathroom, bedroom and kitchen as the theme. A tea is more "old-fashioned" and formal and might be good when the wedding is going to be more Victorian in style. Categories include kitchen, round-the-clock, paper, linen and bedroom. A cocktail party works well for couples and can be help after 6 PM or on a Sunday. Themes can include bar, barbeque and yard/garden. A dessert shower is held in the evening and features desserts, liquors and fun beverages. When women are invited the themes are the same as a luncheon or tea; when men are included themes are the same as a cocktail party.

There can be special types of showers which is why there may be more than one for a bride. A pantry shower features gifts of canned goods, prepared foods or gourmet specialities. Lingerie showers are for women only and sometimes guests chip in to buy the bridal nightgown and robe. Bride's size and color preferences appear on invitation. A round-the-clock shower requires that a different time of day is written on each invitation. The guests then bring gifts appropriate for their time of day. A gardening shower could include garden tools and also bulbs, seeds and started plants. For a recipe shower a guest brings a favorite recipe and a gadget to help in the preparation of the recipe. (This makes a great proxy shower when the bride can't attend because the items are usually small, light-weight and cheap and easy to ship!) A paper shower can include plastics for gifts like paper flowers, table mats monogrammed napkins, magazine subscription, or a check! Of course, there are the more tradtional bathroom, kitchen, bedroom type of showers.

Invitations can be found at a stationary store, but since showers are informal, a phone invitation is acceptable.

Decorations are in keeping with the theme. Kitchen party: teapots with flowers, fruit and vegetable centerpieces. Bathroom party: decorated laundry basket for gifts; garden theme: a wheel barrow for gifts.

Another decorative aspect can be a "wishing well." This is a table or basket decorated to look like a wishing well and guests bring some little item to place in the "well." A roll of paper towels, bottle of detergent, dish rag; little odds and ends that a bride can use. A clever poem may be attached to the gift and they may or may not be wrapped.

Shower gifts are seperate from wedding gifts and need not be as lavish or expensive. The only rule is that they be in keeping with the theme. A card should be enclosed with each gift so the bride knows from whence it came. The brides may be wrapped by the guest but sometimes a host will ask for gifts to be dropped off in advance for special wrappings or treatments.

No games or other entertainment other than the gift unwrapping is necessary. The shower only lasts 2 hours or so; a little more for a luncheon or cocktail party. A written thank you note to gift-givers is not necessary for a shower; a heart-felt thanks at the time of the party is enough. Of course, if the gift-giver is absent, a written thank you should be sent.